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[27 Sep 2005|12:06am] |
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Closed.
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[31 Aug 2005|07:18pm] |
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I'm not dead although half of you probably want me to be. More on this later.
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| yay trends |
[23 Jul 2005|04:05pm] |
cuz i'm bored but not bored enough to list 20
1. Open your playlist and click "shuffle".
2. Choose the first 20 songs.
3. Write your favorite line of each song and have your friends guess what it is.
01.) Set free philosophy with the medicines old.
02.) Misty mornings and water falls. Jenn: Finley Quaye - Dice
03.) All the way to the shore of California Bay and I'll be fine.
04.) Go on misuse me and abuse me. Keri: Maroon 5 - Not Coming Home
05.) A pad is to write in and not spend the night in. Amy: H2$ - A Secretary is Not a Toy
06.) Baby, is this love for real? Avril: Head Automatica - Beating Heart Baby
07.) But I think that he's the dumbest man alive.
08.) Wonderful electric.
09.) The time has come to make a little bit more room. Keri: Kelly Clarkson - Just Missed The Train
10.) We live the masterful life, that's mythical.
11.) The sun ain't hard to see, just turn off your TV. Lindsay: Imani Coppola - I'm A Tree
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[26 Jun 2005|11:33pm] |
So I was in the bank the other day making a withdrawal cause I'm shit out of cash and I was going out to eat with a few friends and I needed a couple one's for the tip and this woman is standing next to me. She's really short and old and black. Can I say that? Well, she was black and she had one of those faces where it looks like she's always mad. Like her eyebrows are tilted in a way that makes her look so mean. Now, I can handle myself in a fight. I'm pretty big but I would never go up against this woman. I notice she's carrying a little teddy bear and she turns to me and puts the teddy bear in my face and she goes "Hi. I'm Tommy." and I'm like uh hey tommy what's good, you know, trying to get this crazy bitch out of my face and she's like do you believe in Jesus? And I'm like oh my god, what is my life. And then she's like I found Tommy at a dollar store on Christmas Eve. Okay, two things are going through my mind right now. One, I feel so bad for this woman. First of all, she talks for her teddy bear. And then I was like, well, she started off with a pretty basic plot so you know there's more to the story. Yeah, she found a teddy bear at a dollar store on Christmas Eve. Did she pay for it? Is Tommy a stolen item? And if she did steal Tommy, why would she brag about it? You stole something that could have potentially brought joy to some little kid on Christmas morning but instead it's being used to frighten innocent strangers in line at various public areas. She continued.
"Guess how much Tommy cost? 5.95. Guess what the price was before Tommy went on sale? Nearly ten dollars. That's Jesus." So for those of you playing along at home wondering if you should take a dip in the Christianity pool, Jesus does not work his miracles on the sick or hungry he puts discounts on stuffed animals for mentally handicapped old women in search of a friend on the happiest day of the year. I want Jesus to send me a teddy bear for half price. I went to church when I was a kid. Why not me? Why her? She went on. "I worked for 32 years and never made a mistake. You wanna know why?" She pointed to the sky. I was like OH, cause of Jesus. So now Jesus is correcting all of her errors. Is there a sign up sheet to have Jesus follow you around and be like um, Seann, there's no 'a' in definitely. Okay so now I want Jesus to fix my mistakes and give me teddy bears. Then she finally asks me the question I've been waiting for. "Do you believe in Jesus?" I don't know what to say. Like I said, I went to church as a kid but it was always because I was forced to go, I never really believed in the whole higher power thing. I always thought I was pretty great, why do I have to put all this faith into something that I'm not even sure exists? So I said. "I'm not sure." That was my first mistake. Now just imagine if Jesus had been there he would have been like psst don't say that she's nuts.
"Give me your hand." Oh my god, lady. No. I need it. It would only leave me with one hand and then you would have two. Stop being so greedy. Next thing I know my hand is in hers, her eyes are closed and we're praying. "Dear Jesus, please let this young man accept you as his personal savior. You are almighty and powerful and he is not deserving of your love but please, Jesus, let him into your heart." She opens her eyes. "Do you have children?" I shake my head, my eyes are bugged out of my head at this point. I'm ready to run for the door. "Well, then someone very close to you is sick and if you don't believe in Jesus they're not gonna get better. You're my spiritual son, okay? I want to see you here again looking pretty. No more wrinkles in your shirt and I think you know what I mean by that." She honestly said that to me, seriously, who says that? Wrinkles in my shirt, oh heavens no. Obviously I'm a slut living in sin, someone get me an iron. I was almost like um, well, I don't think Jesus wants you to say that to people because wrinkles are all the rage this season but I kept my mouth shut. Maybe if I just don't say anything and I keep nodding she'll find some other satan worshipper to save and leave me the hell alone. Then she turns to the rest of the people in the bank, her hand still in mine, and she shouts. "If you believe in God, you're not going to heaven. You have to believe in Jesus." I love this lady. She's not afraid to just put it out there. She's so bold and so daring and yet so mean and cunning. I want to take her home with me in a little box and let her out when company comes over so we can all stare at her in awe and be like Jesus is a stupid cunt and see how she reacts, I think I would run for the hills.
If this offended you, I'm really sorry that you took it that way. Actually, not really cause this shit is too hilarious to pass up and just one example of the crazy people I come in contact with on a daily basis minus all of you. But don't yell at me, just come to the conclusion that I'm an ignorant asshole and remove me or something. I just really had to share this for no particular reason at all, and hope that someday you are each adopted by your own spiritual mommy.
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[26 Jun 2005|01:30pm] |
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Where's all my soul sistas? Lemme hear ya flo, sistas.
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[29 Mar 2005|02:33pm] |
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mood |
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bitchy |
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music |
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inferno 2 |
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Do me a favor and disregard my last post. I'm really starting to question my better judgement. A single's life for me. Oh, bother. I was reading the paper this morning and apparently some girl racked up a $1002 cell phone bill because of text messaging and the majority of them were sent during school hours. I'm really worried about our youth today. In other news,
( they found Jon Benet Ramsey. )
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[23 Mar 2005|10:00am] |
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music |
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BSB - Back To Your Heart |
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I woke up this morning to cold sheets, cold feet, cold everything, and I'm starting to realize I'm addicted to the warmth he provides. He kissed me goodbye when he left and afterwards I stayed in that spot and replayed the scene until his lips became a blurry mess and people in the airport started to stare.
I miss him, more than I have probably missed anyone in a long while. I forgot what this was like, to feel wanted. Past relationships have left me playing the role of the caring housewife while my hubby was off making other plans with younger vixens. I can't help but worry and expect the worse, and I'm beginning to wonder if I've lost my faith in people who show interest in me. He's different. I know better with him, or at least I should. We call each other at least once a day, and if the other doesn't answer we just leave dirty messages.
It's too much, too soon, but there's a part of me that wants even more than I already have. I wake up in the middle of the night and I swear I can feel him. He tends to wake me up with kisses, starting with my lower stomach and gradually working his way up to my jaw line. I can't remember the last time I felt this way, and it's possible that I never have. At this point, I'm just praying that I don't jinx myself by jumping to conclusions. I can't wait until he comes home and I can feel him next to me. I'm starting to get sick of the cold.
I've been trying my best to preoccupy myself for obvious reasons. I spent the better part of last night watching Superstar and Old School. I miss Will, sigh. I spent the better part of this morning scanning through my fan sites to see if I could muster any hot pictures to post in no pants but, here's a shocker, I never take mine off. Maybe I should just be satisfied with this, but I think pantslessness would really take me to a higher plateau of hot.
I'm so vain. I think this song is about me.
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[28 Feb 2005|11:21pm] |
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music |
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Goldfrapp - Strict Machine |
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There's nothing quite like a bowl of Count Chocula and the Magic School Bus to wake you up in the evening after a long night with a certain metrosexual who shall remain nameless. Okay fuck that, Johnny Knoxville is a bitch and one I tend to spank when I'm feeling blue. He likes it. We were a hit at most of the Oscar after parties, mostly because everyone was trying to jump our bones but we held strong to our morals and acted like ladies. I woke up this morning next to a fat homeless man named Duce in a dark alleyway with blood on my ass. I figured I might as well enjoy the irony so we lit a joint. I walked back to my place and found Johnny passed out in my bathtub next to a bottle of Absolut. Needless to say, I took advantage of the situation and put him on the next bus to Mexico.
Crazy night. We were not in attendance at the actual ceremony but from what I heard it was boring and dumb. Natalie Portman didn't even win, what is that shit? And Chris Rock as the host? I guarantee half of the country was punching the mute button to death. Redonkulous. And can I take this opportunity to complain about Olive Garden? They say that their pasta bowl is never ending, yet each portion is smaller than the last. And I'm like...bastards. By the end of the night you get a little shot glass with one strand of cappellini. Never ending my ass. Their breadsticks make up for it though, oh motherrr.
As the month of February comes to a close, I like to reflect on what I've learned and how much I've grown during the shortest month of the year. I survived a relationship, touched Jessica Simpson's mahoobas and watched the sunrise with a pretty face and his pet pooch. Although I didn't have much involvement in the process, my journal turned two yesterday. I'm not sure what to say, it's been one hell of a ride? Something to that effect. I predict for the third year, however, that everyone will notice a considerable decrease in brain mass and a slight increase in me not knowing what the hell I'm talking about. I try, I really do.
I'm thinking about taking a ride up to Canada! God help me. I have to pay a visit to my pookie Jensen and his boo Superman. I plan on peeing the bed and running into their room in the middle of the night with those pajamas with the footsies attached, and sobbing until one of them picks me up and changes me. It will be fun. Maybe I will go one weekend while Kristin is there and try and have sex with her without barfing over the fact that she's a woman.
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[18 Feb 2005|11:24pm] |
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My father always used to say that there's a reason and a place for everything. To a certain extent, fate has the upper hand. The rest is up to us and how we handle the time we're given. It's a blink. Forgiveness is key. Acceptance also plays a part. As his gaze met mine, this undeniable clarity overcame us both and it was the first time in a long time that a moment of happiness wasn't followed by a moment of despair. In one solitary second we both came to the realization that what we had was suddenly coming to an end.
Our problem stemmed from the root. We had gotten so caught up in the romantic aspects of a relationship that we had forgotten, or chose to ignore, the reason we were together in the first place. We are best friends. Even though I'm going to regret saying this at a later date, he knows me better than anyone else. He can rip me to shreds and see past the facade, yet always remaining constant in his stride. What we had was unforgettable. Once in a blue moon, you're lucky enough to walk away from a relationship knowing more than you did when it started. I walked in with a friend. I left with so much more.
Time heals all hearts and starting tomorrow afternoon, I'll be gracing Los Angeles with my presence for a little less than a week. I plan on hitting the strip and shopping for new clothes before I have to head on back down to the deep ol' South. I was on the phone with my mother this morning and she thought she heard something that sounded like country twang. I had to hang up immediately out of fright. This place gets to you, it really does. The people are way too friendly for their own good. People are always fixing to do something and everyone is always offering me food that starts with the word sweet. It's like you're in this different world. You come here and everyone is so friendly, like they just stepped out of a scene from Little House on the Prairie. And then you go to LA or New York and absolutely every soul you see is in a hurry, and has their own agenda. No time for excuses or salutations, the city has a mind of its own and somehow it convinces you that you're in a rush even if you're not.
I hope I didn't come across as a total pussy. I have a date with Augusten Burroughs.
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[17 Feb 2005|05:04pm] |
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Ashton is straight.
( excuse me )
Okay. I'm assuming this means that I am once again a blossoming debutante. Woe is me. Form a line, boys. Louisiana has proven to be both entertaining and lousy at the same time, but it's usually the latter of the two. The J duo and I do our best in making sure our time spent here is not completely mind numbing. Jessica allows me to fondle her massive nanas while Johnny makes out with me in the shower. It's a team effort. I should be returning to LA briefly within the next week or so to play catch up and the like. I know how much you all miss my company so I figured I would do you all the favor by making a short but sweet appearance. Moving on, I really need a good sucknfuck. Sean Cody, you get me through the day.
( o to the izz-o c to the izz-... )
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[07 Feb 2005|01:49pm] |
Your present is in my pants and no it is not the keys to a new car since you now have that ridonkulous motor cycle which I am going to pawn. I will not be around tonight since I am going to have reunion...drinks...with Simon Rex k? k. JUST KIDDING I AM ALL YOURS AND THEN SOME MORE DREAMYSIGH YOU :-[ I am sorry if you wanted some emotional thing about how you mean the world to me and how lucky I am to have you in my life and I might say that later in a locked post or something because PSH I cannot be that ghey in public although we were pretty gay in public last night IF YANO WHAT I MEAN MKAY.
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